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Mario vs Kirby - OMM
ONE MINUTE MELEE!

WHERE ALL THE FIGHTS ARE SETTLED IN 60 SECONDS!

2 FIGHTERS! NO RESEARCH! 60 SECONDS!

MELEE!!!!!

MELEE!   

--

Pop Star

Mario had never been happier in his life as he walked around, whistiling the Super Mario 64 final boss theme. He had somehow ended up on this weird star-shaped planet, and he didn't know the way out, but Mario didn't care. He pumped his fist. Mere minutes ago, he had used this very fist to punch a huge crack in this tree. Mario thought his name was Whispy-somethin', but he was just too retarded to remember. Meh, who cared anymore. He kept on whistiling the theme.

Meanwhile...

A yellow blur rushed past, heading in the general direction of Whispy Woods. On the famed Warp Star stood none other than Kirby himself. The adorable puffball was plenty thankful for his Warp Star's faster than light speeds, but for now, he had a job: to take down Whispy Woods. He decided that he would reach the famed tree in just a second (if not less.). Well, he was half-right. He DID make it to Whispy Woods in a few seconds, but what he saw was:  A huge crack in the top, which now loked like it was going to fall. Kirby was furious! NO one took down his enemies but him! As if that wasn't enough for the puffball, he then saw a sign next to Whispy Woods. It said, exactly:

                              MARIO WUZ HERE

Now Kirby was steaming mad. And NO one is more retarded than him. "I'm going to get that son of a bitch!" yelled Kirby, face turning red with anger. He jumped quickly on his Warp Star and sped off. Immediatly after doing so, he quickly went back to Whispy Woods (whose top was now toppled) and grabbed an apple. When he was done, he sped off again.

Where Mario was on Pop Star

Mario was still very happy, now whistiling the Super Mario 64 Metal Mario theme. Little did he know, there was a cuddly puffball behind him, on a Warp Star. It was Kirby, of course, and when he was right behind Mario, he jumped off his Warp Star, and with a WHAM, kicked the plumber in the back of the head. 

Mario quickly got up again, looking for whatever had hit him. The red-capped plumber's search took barely any time, as he quickly saw Kirby. "You bitch!" yelled Mario, enraged.  However, the cuddly monster wasn't scared in the least. "Only I defeat racist trees like the one you beat! Now you die!" Quickly putting action to words, Kirby grabbed his Warp Star and tossed it at Mario. However, Mario quickly grabbed the Warp Star out of the sky, and broke it in half with one hand, tossing the two peices into the sky, all without so much as blinking.  Now Kirby was madder than ever!

The two crown heroes of Nintendo were going to battle, right here. The two raised their dukes.

Only one of them would see tommorow.

THIS OUGTHA BE THE MATCH OF THE CENTURY!

ENAGE!

Kirby immediatley went on the offensive, nailing Mario repeadtedly with several punches and kicks. The combo abruptly ended when Kirby fliped Mario and slammed him to the ground, then right hooked him away.

Mario skidded back a few feet, briefly stunned. Kirby took this time well, rushing torwards Mario. The latter, however, was ready, winding back a punch, and as soon as Kirby was within range... he released it. The sheer force of the punch sent Kirby flying back 15 feet.

50....

Kirby crashed down to the ground, in utter shock and pain. He could tell his foe definetly had the power advantage. Just then, he heard a scream. A Waddle Doo ran by the puffball murderer, and crashed on the ground.

"Well, free lunch!" said Kirby. Then, he swallowed the Waddle Doo, gaining the Beam Ability. Perfect timing. Mario was just about to drop kick Kirby. Instead, the plumber got a helping of voltage, extra electric. Kirby, after laughing at the plumber's misfourtune, quickly preformed a furious spin kick -the exact one that was called the fastest and strongest forward smash in Smash 64.

40...

Mario crashed onto the ground. Quickly reaching into his pocket, he gained a Fire Flower. "Woo-hoo! Take that, mother-fucker!" screamed Mario, tossing a fireball. Kirby reacted quickly when he saw the ball of flame headed torwards him. With a quick flex of the puffball's arm, the beam destroyed the fireball. However, his focus on the fireball left him wide open for a flaming Shroyuken from Fire Mario. Kirby lost his ability in a heartbeat, but Mario wasn't done. Jumping up into the air, he slowly swung his fist downwards, knocking Kirby back to solid ground.

Dizzly, Kirby stood up... and saw a Knuckle Joe right next to him. Of course,  his fate was to get eaten as Kirby gained the Fighter Ability.

30...

"Bitch, how'd that feel!" That was Kirby after rapid-punching Mario 7 times and then uppercutting him with a Rising Break. Maro fell on his back again. But, just as quickly as he crashed, he got back up again with a Hammer Suit. Immediatley, a storm of hammers flew into the sky. Kirby expertly punched them away with a single Smash Punch, but....

Fell victim to a full body tackle (like American football). Kirby lost his Fighter ability, but was almost immediatly hit by another set of hammers.

20...

As Kirby fell down torwards Mario, he suddendly got an idea. Why didn't I think of this before thought Kirby. Anyways, Kirby preformed a drill kick, nailing Mario, who immediatly lost his Hammer ability. But Kirby didn't stop there, backflip kicking Mario into the sky. This continued again, but the third time, the mustachioed plumber abruptly drop kicked Kirby away from him. The latter crashed into a tree, as the former rushed torwards that very spot.

10...

Now, the two glared at each other, flames in their eyes. The rushed torwards each other...

And enaged in a slug fest, both punching, kicking, biting, spitting -anything to overwhelm the other. But finally, Kirby missed a roundhouse kick. Mario seized his chance, and grabbed Kirby by the leg. He immediatley procceded to spin Kirby around, the way he spun Bowser around in those Super Mario 64 battles with him. He spun Kirby around faster...

5...

And faster...

4...

And FASTER...

3...

Even faster...

2...

So fast that Kirby was getting dizzy.

1!...

Mario finally released Kirby. The sheer force of that throw sent Pop Star's beloved savior flying high into the sky, before vanishing as a star on the horizon.

K-O-o-o-o....

"That's what you get for kicking me, bitch!" laughed the plumber, before walking around again, scaring the Kirby enemies that saw the warrior's defeat.


Results

THIS MELEE'S WINNER IS...

(Super Mario theme plays as Mario does a strongman pose.)

...MARIO!!!!!

Trivia

  • This is the AWC's first fight.

Episode Guide

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Next:  One Minute Melee: Rainbow Dash vs The Scout!

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